Posted by Denver Date Doctor | Posted in | Posted on 9:18 AM
Dating Symptoms
Dear Date Doctor,
Hi! I heard you on the Kim Iverson radio show the other night and hope you can help me out!
A guy added me on facebook a few months ago and we talk off and on, but I wasn't really wanting to start back up dating, as I was very hurt and still getting over my ex, of a few years. So I just kept myself distant/ ignored liking him and over the months he asked me on dates, but I turned him down every time. So he finally asks me on a 4th date and I said yes.
The date seemed fine to me. Not really romantic I would say. We were there for about 2 and a half hours. He had great manners, paid for me, opened the door quick, etc.
We don’t have any mutual friends. When we first met, he was standing outside the place and I shook his hand lol. But I think he was kinda going for the hug, but he wasn't sure by his body language if I wanted that. I'm the kind of girl that is very old fashioned and likes to go slow, because it takes awhile for me to warm up.... as I am VERY shy.
So, okay, what is weird and I don't know if it's him being nervous or what, but he never asks anything about me. I was always the question asker and he answered, so I'd run out of things to ask. We had our few awkward moments for the usual first date but nothing serious. He seemed really into me and smiled a lot. He was very gentleman like, good manners, very polite. On the date we talked about a little bit of everything, so nothing in particular. We talked about where he went to school, his job, family, cooking (he loves to cook), etc the usual.
At the end of the date, we were parked in the same row but I was further down, and he didn't walk me to my car...so I don't know if that is serious or not..? He never said we should get together again or any of that. We shook hands again, which then he really wanted to give a hug I can tell, but he put his hand out.
Overall, I thought it went well. But 5 days have gone by and he hasn't called/ texted/ facebooked me! So I finally wrote him a simple inbox message on facebook. 5 days after and he replied saying he was loaded with work, the first week of the New year and asked how I've been. We have never talked on the phone or texted, except for the day we met I texted him. We always talk on facebook. It is driving me up the wall and I really like him!! I'm still one of his facebook friends too. He seemed sooo into me! It's not like he doesn't have my number, since I texted him! Do you have any advice???? What should I do???
-"Wishful and Waiting" in Portland
Date Diagnosis
In this situation, I want you to pay attention to some very important words you used; "old-fashioned"... Just so we're on the same page; when I hear those words I think of traditional gender roles, romance, and chivalry... If we are on a parallel track here, then realize there is nothing wrong with being old-fashioned, but keep in mind that this is the style and pace that you prefer and will ultimately need in the future if you are to have a long and fulfilling relationship.
Because of this, I want to cast a light on the fact that before you went on the date, he demonstrated that he has the ability to chase you. Guys who are persistent usually find that it is a turn-off if a woman starts hounding them (because it ruins the fun of the chase). Normally, my advice would be for you to make yourself seen at some of his normal hangouts and allow him to observe you from a far (tempting him to chase you). In this case, however you told me that you don't have any mutual friends, or even run in the same circles, so my advice to you is pretty simple; do nothing.
Replay his actions after the date in your mind. Put all of the pieces together and decide if his behavior toward you (his lack of correspondence after the date) is that of a gentleman. If you still think so, being the old-fashioned gal you are, be patient and allow things to unfold. This way you give him the opportunity to prove whether or not he really can be romantic and chivalrous (aka: the prince charming you need and deserve). I know that there will be a lot of uncertainty in your mind as you move forward, but be strong. Keep smiling and radiating confidence, and, (very important) "if" he likes you he will begin to pursue you again, so just be patient. Remember, "soul mates" are in short supply, so if he is the right man for you, give him the chance to show it and win your heart. I always teach my clients two things: 1. Love is a marathon not a sprint and 2. The most important thing you can do is be able to identify "Mr. Right" when he comes along and the only way to do that is by observing his actions. In this case, actions speak louder than words...
- Denver Date Doctor
If you have a dating question write to: DenverDateDoctor@gmail.com
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