Posted by Denver Date Doctor | Posted in | Posted on 11:11 AM
Date Doctor,
My boyfriend and I have been together about 7 years and although I love him very much there is one aspect of his personality that has caused us severe relationship problems; he is evasive. He doesn’t directly lie and will tell me the truth if I press but he will avoid telling me things honestly if I do not ask very specific questions. He insists he has never done anything like cheat on me but I have a hard time believing him because he has been so deceptive about other shortcomings that he has only revealed once I have either caught him or pressed enough that he was forced to tell me the truth or tell a flat out lie. For example, we agreed to cut back on spending and I got in his car a couple of weeks after a weekend away with my girlfriends and found a Sky Caddie I had not seen before. I asked him when he bought it and he said, “a while ago, I don’t remember exactly” alluding to a time prior to our new budget. It wasn’t until I found the receipt that I confirmed he has bought it the weekend I was gone. When I asked why he lied he said, “I didn’t lie, I really didn’t remember exactly which day I bought it”. He sees nothing wrong with this and I see it as an obstacle to having a foundation of trust in our relationship. What do I do?
- "Dealing With Evasiveness" in Denver
THE DATE DIAGNOSIS
This particular diagnosis is a simple one. It is my sincere hope that you understand that we, as human beings, develop our personalities at a very early age, typically 13-14 years old, and it is usually set shortly thereafter. Unfortunately, it takes an extreme circumstance and a full desire, by the individual to cause a change. In this situation, your verbiage is what I'm going to focus on... The fact that you chose to label your boyfriend's actions as evasive is just a way for you to subconsciously live in denial to the fact that he is really just being shady and dishonest.
A seven year relationship gives each partner a chance to really get to know and trust each other. The cold hard fact is that he betrayed your trust, compromised your relationship and showed you his true nature. I know it's disappointing, but relationships need to be built on trust and it seems like this one is built on quicksand... This is a situation where your relationship is truly being tested. Communication is crucial to the success of a healthy romance. Encourage your boyfriend to talk to you openly and honestly without fear of ridicule and you'll begin to see a much less evasive significant other.
Comments (0)
Post a Comment