7. Ask the Doctor

Posted by Denver Date Doctor | Posted in | Posted on 2:39 PM

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Dating Symptoms

Dear Date Doctor,

I went on a date a few months ago and it was the best first date I ever had, I was immediately attracted to him. After a few hours of talking, I felt like we also connected on a mental level. We saw eachother a few more times and the more time I spent with him, the more I liked him. We had a great time together. The last time we hung out, he tried to make a move, I politely turned him down because I didn't feel comfortable taking things to the next level in just a week. After I left his house that night, I texted him a few hours later and I got no reply. I sent him a text message the next day, inviting him out with my friends and I and again, I got no response. Well after that I got the hint and just left him be which really hurt my feelings because I thought I had finally found someone that I could pursue something with. Two months later he sends me an e-mail. He asked me how I was doing and if I had a good Christmas. He e-mailed me as if nothing ever happened, he didn't mention anything about blowing me off, not even an apology or an explanation. Not sure what I should do...Should I give him another chance? Should I ask him why he blew me off? Should I write him a short e-mail back just to say hello and see where he takes it from there? I'm so confused because I feel like I'm thinking with my heart and not with my head

- "What Just Happened" in D.C.

The Date Diagnosis

This diagnosis is not an easy one, so I will break it down into a few pieces.

1.) To speculate as to why he didn't communicate with you for two months is a waste of time and will ultimately leave you empty with regards to answers.  The fact is; it doesn't matter why he fell off the map for so long.  All that matters is that he did.  When I coach women on dating I always teach my clients something I call Actions-Based Communication.  This is the only real way to bridge the communication gap between men and women.  All you should be concerned with in this situation are the following actions:
  • He tried to put the moves on you and you politely deferred for a later time.
  • You sent him a text message later that day and he did not reply.
  • You sent him another text message the next day inviting him to an event and he still chose not to reply.
  • He waited 2 months to contact you and when he did, he offered no apology, or explanation for his actions.
2.) When teaching Actions-Based Communication I like to use a quote my sister once told me, "Love is not blind, it sees more.  But, because you are in love, you are willing to see less."  Take a few moments and re-examine what you've seen.  There are so many negative implications to be drawn from his actions.  I will list a few:
  • The fact that he didn't respond to your first text message suggests that he tried to make a move on you and when you denied his advances, he decided to pout instead of act like a gentleman and respect your feelings.
  • After you wrote to him a second time, he ignored your message.  That is just flat out rude and disrespectful.
  • Finally, when he wrote you 2 months later and acted like nothing was wrong, he showed you a huge character flaw.  He is unable to acknowledge when he has made a mistake and is also unable to empathize and see that your feelings may have been hurt.
With that being said, for this diagnosis, I am going to concede to you for an answer.  I know that it is hurtful to our pride when someone treats us this way, but the real question you have to ask yourself is, "Do I really want to allow someone into my life who, in the early stages of the relationship, ignores me, disrespects me and is unable to acknowledge when he is wrong?"

The best things you can take from this situation is that the choice to accept or reject these types of individuals is completely and 100% yours!  The next time you meet a guy like this, you'll know exactly what to do and the cool part is, the more you are able to identify the wrong ones, the better you'll get at pointing out THE RIGHT ONE when he finally shows up in your life...

-  Denver Date Doctor

If you have a dating question write to: DenverDateDoctor@gmail.com

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