Posted by Denver Date Doctor | Posted in | Posted on 10:20 AM
Dating Symptoms
Dear Date Doctor,
Yea life sucks! I just found out my "so-called best friend" is now engaged, as of today, to a total rude, immature, asshole and they have only been dating 10 months. Yeahhhh I'm really upset and we haven't talked in about 4 months. She lives in another state and when I went to visit her months ago, her boyfriend, now fiance, was so rude to me and a total jerk. I confronted her about it and she did NOTHING!
I've been best friends with her for 6 years and she had only been dating him for a few months at the time and she stuck up for him??? Why?! She is so smart, but blind by love or I don't know what!! She is making a huge mistake! And, on top of that, MY EX keeps talking to her and saying congrats, oh my goodness why doesn't he just go away!??? I can't get over him if I see this! And what kind of best friend talks to your ex??? Life sucks. I hope she realizes her mistake with this guy....
I really just don't want to ever date guys again. They hurt you so bad, how can I do this again?
-"On the Verge of Giving Up" in Portland
Dating Diagnosis
I'm not really sure that you're looking for advice here... But that's okay. Sometimes we just need to vent. In this particular situation I want to address a couple of points. The fact that your friend is engaged should not anger you. The passing of time will ALWAYS bring changes. This is particularly true when it comes to best friends and finding "love". It hurts to hear it, but feeling that someone just isn't good enough for our friend is usually nothing more jealousy... And don't worry, you aren't alone. I've been through those feeling before. Just recently one of my best friends decided to get married to a wonderful young lady. When he first told me the news, my first thoughts were similar to yours (and it wasn't just her; no one was good enough for him and why is he getting married anyway?).
As I thought about it more, I realized that he was my best friend because, among other things, he is incredibly smart and wise. There was a reason that he chose her to be with him for the rest of his life and so, as a good friend, my job now was not to drag him out to bars chasing after women, but rather to look for the best in her and ways to encourage him to be the best husband he can be. When I did, I realized that she was an amazing person and he chose his life partner wisely.
With regard to how rude he was to you, it is vitally important to realize that people in this world are like mirrors; they reflect what we put in front of them. We show them a good attitude and they show us a good attitude in return; we give them rude and they reflect that negative attitude back toward us. If someone were to analyze your attitude when you spent time with him, would they find that you were defensive, or even rude toward him? Regardless of your answer, if her new man was rude to you, I'm sorry to say, but he is going to be her husband and as such she will be taking vows to love him for the rest of her life, so you need to swallow your pride and find a way to become a friend to her new fiance'. I think you've already seen that when she was forced to take sides, she chose him. If you don't find a way to look for the best in her man, you may find yourself without a best friend...
Finally, don't give up on guys. Work hard to understand them and you'll feel better about the future... As a fellow member of "single society", the hardest part to come to grips with is that we normally feel contempt and jealousy when we are alone. The way to get over this is to take solace in the fact that your soulmate is out there and YOU CAN find him just like your friend did; you just have to keep your eyes and heart open and keep looking forward. Give it a shot!
- Denver Date Doctor
If you have a dating question write to: DenverDateDoctor@gmail.com
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