Posted by Denver Date Doctor | Posted in | Posted on 3:45 PM
Blame Your Parents for Your Relationship Woes
Nature versus nurture -- the concept that pits the strength of our genetic code and inborn qualities against our learned behaviors and personal experiences -- has been a topic of great debate among human development experts since the beginning. One of the most important decisions we will ever make is who we will spend the rest of our lives with, and many of us, without even knowing it, are doomed to a life of heartache and failed relationships before we’ve even set foot on our first date. Guess what: Your parents are the ones to blame.
Divorce is a $28 billion a year industry. Think about all the attorneys, mediators, CPAs, custody evaluators, guardians, psychologists, sheriffs, judges, court clerks, and everyone else who stands to make a profit from the ashes of your failed marriage. Let’s face it, divorce sucks (except for the aforementioned parties, of course).
According to Reuters.com, a survey revealed that Americans spend an average of 62 hours researching a home, home improvements, cars and the associated loans. When it comes to relationships and studying the opposite sex, how many hours does the average American spend? I’m not quite sure because the report didn’t cover that, but I’m willing to bet money it is far less time, and in a lot of cases, it’s probably zero. What category do you fall in? When it comes to selecting the most important person that will ever come into your life, are you going to show up to battle unarmed?
Think about this: the average life expectancy in America is 80 for women and 75 for men. If you get married for the first time, under the age of 30, it is reasonable to assume that you stand to be married to that person for about 50 years. Given these findings, it is also reasonable to assume that sitting down and doing a substantial amount of research and self discovery before making this 50 year investment would be…well…appropriate.
Why is it then that most of our parents never took the time to truly teach us how to stay away from the bad men and women in our lives and find the good ones that will love us and respect us unconditionally? Why is it that they never taught us how to date? Answer: they never learned how to date or find the right person for themselves either.
Let’s take a look at the stereotypical father (the ones we see in television sitcoms). He is a stern fellow of large stature and a shotgun that he cleans, religiously, for that opportunity when any young man comes over to the house for a first date with his virtuous daughter. That stereotypical dad never tells his daughter what type of man she should be dating and, if we look a little closer, he probably, though inadvertently, scared off all of the wholesome and innocent young men with his antics. He effectively cleared the way for all the daring “bad boys,” who have a taste for adventure, to vie for his daughter’s affection.
That stereotypical father never talks to you about dating, partly because of the fact that he is scared and he lacks know-how. He also uses the lame excuse, “I know how I was at that age.” Well, Pops don’t you think that would be some pertinent information for your daughter to have? If he had his druthers, you’d be a virgin until you were 40.
If your parents were divorced at an early age, you probably witnessed your mom and/or dad bumble through dates here and there. For others, you may have been raised with a good example of what a loving, caring, healthy relationship should be, but have never been able to apply that model to your own life.
I’ve spent this entire time blaming your parents for all of your dating woes, and now I am going to put an end to it. You’re an adult now and in charge of your own destiny. No more excuses. I’m here to tell you that it is within your power to take charge of your life, and to be choosy with the ones you date and with those you allow to love you. It’s time for you to take action.
The top 5 action items I teach my clients:
1. Take a look at your definition of love. Study love's origins and then decide what it means for your life.
2. Set some clearly defined and measurable goals for the life you want to have. Stop dwelling in the past and look forward to the future.
3. Take a hard look at men you've dated. Find the common positive and negative attributes.
4. Understand the different types of men that are out there and, with your list of positives and negatives, start demanding higher standards for the men you date.
5. Be positive. Find the things within you that make you great and worth loving and focus on them as you move forward. You can find the man of your dreams, you just have to believe!
If you have a dating question write to: denverdatedoctor@gmail.com
The page is fantastic ... and I couldn't agree more with your assessment of where our dating trouble begins. I wish my father had shared some of his thoughts about dating with me about 10 years ago instead of 3 months ago. Looking forward to reading more! :)