Posted by Denver Date Doctor | Posted in | Posted on 3:42 PM
Divorce and what it means to you
Let’s start this blog off by looking at some statistics and taking a quick stroll back in time at some things you may not already know about divorce:
· First things first, the divorce rate in America tells us that approximately ½ of all marriages (50%) will end in divorce and the number doesn’t appear to be decreasing any time soon.
· Divorce doesn’t just affect the couple. It shakes the foundation of the family (children and in-laws), causes business and work to suffer, ruins friendships and social networks, and in many cases, causes depression and other medical problems.
· Early origins of divorce can be traced to the French Revolution (damned French!) when protests and the storming of the Royal Palace led to the imprisonment of the King and, among other things, the legalization of divorce in 1792.
· It was available in America before 1850 but was very difficult to obtain and the social stigmas associated with them were too difficult for many to bear.
· The largest impact on the American marital system was felt, on Sept 4, 1969 when then Governor Ronald Reagan stepped in to legalize no-fault divorce (divorce in which no proof that the other person had committed an act incompatible to the marriage). The result?? People literally, packed their bags, sold their homes and moved to California just to get a much needed divorce.
· Finally, if you didn’t already know it, divorce sucks!
So that brings us up to speed, but what is the underlying theme beneath this phenomenon? The answer is simple: a chronic relationship illness called “unhappiness.”
So now, you might be asking yourself, "What can I do to fix unhappiness in relationships and prevent divorce in my life?" The answer is simple, take a page from America’s newest sage, Sarah Palin, and do something…“Maverick-y.” If marriage has truly become a circus, where two broken people join together and become one whole, yet flawed, hot mess destined for failure, then you have to find a way to break the cycle for your life.
Let’s look at some research. According to divorcerate.org, you, “the average person,” are 41% likely to fail at your first marriage. And, if you choose to get back on the horse and try it again, you are 67% likely to fail at your second marriage. And, if you are a bit of a masochist and believe in the old “third time's a charm” idea, you are 74% likely to fail at your third marriage. I think I see a pattern here! The old adage, “If at first you don’t succeed; try, try again” does not work with marriage, statistically speaking.
I heard a good quote, once, that has stuck with me for many years and it goes something like this, "The only thing about a man that makes him a man is his mind. Everything else in him can be found in a pig or a horse." What a profound statement! Become a Maverick, step out of the norm, think outside of the box and use your noggin so that you don’t become entangled by the same traps that half of our countrymen are caught up in.
If you’re single, take a look at the unsuccessful 50%, find out where they went wrong, and then look to strengthen those weak areas within your life. Divorced? Look into your past relationships and help identify the changes you need to make in your own life before you include another person in it. Married people, seek help STAT! and find ways to strengthen and renew your marriage. Work hard and take the steps necessary to make sure that your marriage is in the successful 50th percentile. You have the ability to take control and live that storybook romance, so just do it.
Here are some tips and techniques to get you on the path to success:
2. Understand the concept of, what I call, "Emotional Dominos". Find the spark that made you fall in love in the first place and use it to re-ignite your passion for the relationship. When you are happy, your man will feel it and see it in your moods and actions. This will create a domino effect and, if it's meant to be, will light his flame to get him on the path to making things work.
3. Understand that all things change, including men. Take the time to learn more about the object of your affection and come up with ways to better understand and help him reach his hopes and dreams. Take it from me, when your man is emotionally happy, he will do what it takes to make you happy!
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